They've Begun to Bleed Directly From the Gray Luckily, I've got this nice blog-rag to soak them up.   home | mail | rss | sign out Saturday, November 04, 2006 It could break up into a trend... Current mood: Huh? Yes.  Well, I've been feeling weird lately.  Mentally, specifically.  Truthfully, not too abnormal.  But, for awhile (no real idea how long) I've tried to pay attention to the world in a larger way.  Trying to read up on worldly events, listening nonstop to NPR, general things akin to those.  This, I believe, is what made me feel odd. So, I've stopped.  I still feel weird.  I've been thinking that, instead of doing something that "matters" with my life, maybe I should do something that doesn't really matter.  Maybe programming video games.  Along those lines. Stop reading books.  Read only comics exclusively.  Go back to reading only X-Men and Image.  Listen to a rotation of 5 cds for months on end.  This would be like going back to what I was in high school.  Hmmmm. I hope that you people don't read these things but, I know that a few of you do.  So, don't think too much on this one.  I should just write them down in a notebook. AB 9:59 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Thursday, October 19, 2006 How? Current mood: Can't tell. I mean, discern. How do you turn the damn brain off?  Other than drugs or death!  Why's there no switch?  I think that's a good argument against ID.  No off switch to the brain. Who else is freakin' out about money? Can't think past a thick blanket of noise.  Make me feel not myself.  I've slumped into a dump that won't allow me exit and it's muddier by the minute. Only other stuff I've got is re-hashed from other people.  Don't let that out. Hrmmm. AB 5:27 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Tuesday, October 17, 2006 I think... Current mood: Pretty Worried I've lost the ability to write.  I think this.  Now, don't let this blog entry fool you.  It was obviously set into motion by the devil. Strange how it still delivers the correct information of my not being able to write.  Not exactly Lusipher-like disinformation (ie the White House press secretary or Fox "News").  I'll have to think on that.  Won't write on it though.  I've obviously lost the ability to do that. Any ideas?  Helpful ones, please.  No need for ideas on rat sterilizing. AB 8:29 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Friday, October 06, 2006 Huh... Current mood: Deceptively Disputable and Disparaging I went in search of a story I had begun writing years ago, while I was still in college.  It may've even been around my first or second year. Anyway, I finally found the damned thing.  I looked through many a burned cd to come across it. So, why this matters is that it pertains, somewhat, to the blog I wrote about writing my own book one day.  I actually do want to write one at some point and I have undertaken the chore recently.  Plotting and such. But, I have a certain style I'd like to write this book with; Douglas-Adams-ish.  I have a huge respect for his stories, especially the way in which they're written.  The style is astounding as far as I'm concerned.  None better; certainly in the Science Fiction/Humor field. Now, I remember attempting to write somewhat like Mr. Adams at an earlier point in my life and that point produced the work I was speaking about a few paragraphs ago. So, I reread it and I still dig it.  Somewhat, anyway.  There're a few places I'd change things but, it tops out at only two MS Word pages so, there couldn't be too much to change. Here it is.  In case you wanted to know what the fuck I've been babbling about...                 Hi, my name's Jim.  Well, Jim Moyers to be exact.  Ok, ok, Jim Alexander Moyers to be perfectly exact.  And perfect is how I usually like to be.  I especially like to have things in my life being perfect also.  Y'know, work not giving me grief, girlfriend not giving me grief, and especially, God not giving me grief.               Ever notice how nothing ever turns out perfect though?             So, my story begins about a week ago.  Or, at least what I think was a week ago.  There's not much call for the keeping of time anymore.  But, I'll get to that later.               Anyway, a week ago I was sitting in my car on my way to work.  I work, or worked, at a truly enterprising internet company who specialized in making firewalls for other budding and enterprising internet companies.  Heck, I didn't know what really went on there; I was just the secretary.                So, I was sitting in my car when my coffee cup decided to jump out of its normal seat in my cup-holder, jump out of my window and roll backwards down I-72.  Sure you say, when you're driving down the road and you hit a large enough bump your coffee is bound to do something just as likely as this.  I, of course, thought the exact same thing.  That is until I noticed not only was my car not moving when the coffee decided to take its leap but also my window had been closed until the coffee had miraculously opened it.               I must say, this still didn't strike me as too terribly strange.  Sillier things had been reported by many a bystander in any number of those newspapers you see at your local market checkout and I had seen this same trick done by a Yogi master of Tibet 3 or 4 times in my short 20-year life.  No, I didn't decide this debarking from my '96 Paseo was strange until I looked in my rear-view mirror and saw my coffee not rolling, but running away from my car.  Three little coffee bean stalk legs had grown from its mouth and were carrying my morning ritual of caffeine and bean back toward my house.               This was around the time I decided to pull over to the side of the Interstate and take a breather.               As I was sitting next to my bluish-silver Paseo, I looked up into the sky.  This was not for any reason but to try to help get my mind off of the hustle and bustle of the roadway in front of me.  This worked extremely well.  Not because of the calming effect of the deep blue and smog-strewn airways and certainly not because of the curious dive-bombing patterns of the California sea gulls.  No, my attention was averted from this busy speedway by a bright and altogether very shiny light.               Good Lord!  I sound like one of those stupid alien abductees.  Y'know the ones; they say they were made to board some "visitor's" ship and then were boarded themselves by strange utensils that you couldn't even imagine in a dream if you'd been eternally tripping on mushrooms…but, I digress.               This strange white light kept getting closer and closer until it bumped into me and from inside I heard a male voice utter, "Oh, excuse me chap.  I'm awfully new at driving these contraptions.  Please pardon me, good boy."               He sounded British but I couldn't be too sure.               This strange utterance from a glowing white light would have made me jump if not for my earlier experience with my aforementioned spry coffee product.  So, instead of jumping, I decided to answer with a non-chalant, "Oh, quite alright, bloke.  I wasn't even bothered (it truly is strange how easily I slip into that fake Queen's English accent.)"     And, that's where it ends.  No idea where it was going from there.  Probably something to do with the alien.  I don't know.  Hopefully, the new book will sound something like this.   Heaven help me.   AB 8:59 PM - 4 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Sunday, October 01, 2006 Some other day... Current mood: Ponderous I will record my own album with my own music.  It will contain overdone drums, power chords, soaring choruses, keyboards for no reason, basslines unheard in metal music, someone's voice (maybe mine), a neighing goat.  I might subtract the goat. This album will have backing vocals by uber-attractive women who will end up leaving my good graces to attempt to establish their own recording lives.  These attempts will end horribly.  Most will end in porn.  At least one will end in a tragic mountain climbing "accident". I will be produced by the most highly respected producers in music at the time.  I will not include their renditions of my songs.  Only recordings done by a single microphone will be included on the album.  I will say it sounds like a throwback album, just like the old days.  People will buy it in droves just because of that.  People want to be hip. I will be the people's new badge of coolness.  I will be asked for signatures and pieces of my hair.  I will only hand out albums by other bands I enjoy.  But, each album will only contain a disc of Swedish yodeling.  As done by large-breasted maidens who sing out of tune along with neighing goats.  To be ironic, the goats will be in tune. I will decide to retire at a point in my career that most will consider to be "too early".  I will unretire two months before my declared retirement date but I won't release a new album.  I will only guest perform on other people's albums.  The artists I will guest perform for will only be from the Christian/Blues genre.  Singing about my god leaving me will take over all of my days for a total of 40 days and 40 nights. On the 41st day I will un-unretire.  In un-unretirement I will unleash a hearty catalogue of "beatz" cds that hip-hop artists will use for millenia to come.  I will accept no payment for these hundreds of cds.  Only donations for a charity no one's heard of before. The charity will be a front for a collective of past political cabinet chiefs that I have appointed.  They will work out a plan to write the lyrics to my first song I wrote when I was 7 years of age in the deserts of land-locked Africa. I will hold a ceremony on the newly written lyrics where I will baptise the billions who show up with tears collected from groupies from the past 20 years of my life.  Some will drown and others will find themselves sexually aroused.  I will disappear in a cloud of smoke and acid rain.  Leaving confusion and panic. I will reappear 25 years later as a Moses-like figure, leading a group of 400 Israelites to New York City.  There, we will gather in a small park and listen for 576 straight hours to failed Russian country music stars talk about how their attempts at super-stardom lead only to drug use and stripper abuse.  I will slay all of them in a ceremony that they will have thought was for resurrecting careers.  They will die in shocked happiness. I will then travel to America's congress to petition them to allow citizens to litter.  Littering will become cool and the "in" thing in America.  After the litter has built up to unmanageable levels, I will announce the televised suicide of myself. That may be the end.  I haven't finished the plan yet. AB 9:43 PM - 2 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Friday, September 29, 2006 Sometime Current mood: Determined, Extermined, Retermined I'm going to write a book. AB 9:40 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Friday, September 22, 2006 Any takers? Current mood: Imaginary and Xylophonic Ok, who wants to volunteer to build a bionic "Dusty"? Obviously I'm an extremely busy person anymore and I'm really needing to catch up on the finer things I used to cherish.  Things such as sleep and laziness are not as common in my experience anymore.  This must be remedied. Thus, the robot.  Thus, the slightly less perfect me! It can take up the duties I used to perform.  Ravishing the entire line of women queuing outside my bedroom door for starters.  Damn nymphs won't give me a break, dammit! Bionic Dusty can read books for me, write novels, buy groceries and, most importantly, attend my job.  Help bring in the cheques, as they say. I, and the people who own blogs I read, should attempt to use more British-spelled words in their writing. Bionic Dusty (The Dustonic) would also do other relatively important things too.  But, as I don't possess this Dustonic, I'm sleepy and can't readily come up with his entire list of chores. Eh, with any luck, he'll rebel and murder me in cold, steel-reinforced blood. AB PS.  HONG-KONG! (inexplicable rambling inserted here in one of the most bizarre songs ever)  - Hong Kong by Screamin' Jay Hawkins (special thanks to one Scott Adams for that). Currently listening : I Put a Spell on You By Screamin' Jay Hawkins Release date: By 14 January, 1994 10:56 PM - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Thursday, September 21, 2006 New readers... Current mood: Simianese Category: Simianese Parties and Nightlife Just wanted to drop a "hello!" to my new readers.  Four mYsPacians have subscribed to this thing since the beginning of the month, almost doubling the number to an octagonal amount. Now, why you'd ever decide to subscribe to something like this, I've no idea.  Did your fathers trephine your skulls only to fuck the hole for his own amusement?  The general retardation that could bring about would be nearly the amount needed to read this blog at any regular intervals.  But, I don't want to insult you, my readers.  So, I'll give you an out: obviously you accidentally clicked through the much-more-difficult-than-it-needs-to-be subscription process under the assumption that it would actually delete my "Space" and utterly end any cranial droolings that are published by the Internets authored by myself.  If so, I'm quite sorry you were disappointed. I'd offer a refund but this shit's free while I'm about as cheap as it can get. AB Currently listening : What Will the Neighbours Say? By Girls Aloud Release date: By 25 January, 2005 9:36 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Sunday, September 17, 2006 Wanted to post this here too... Current mood: Bewildered About the "petition to remove "fuck the troops" from myspace": Just one question, as I've seen this "petition" circling around the area: Do you realize that one of the "freedoms" that our soldiers are protecting is freedom of speech? It's right there in the first amendment of our Bill of Rights. Also included in that first amendment is the right to peaceably assemble. So, in your anger, you're wanting a group to not only give up its right to say what it wants but also to stop assembling (if only in the digital arena). Have I got that correct? Are we now having our soldiers fight for only specific freedoms that a certain section of the population has deemed worthy? If so, I wish they'd change the Bill of Rights so I'd quit being so confused on these issues. Arachnid Bethlehem 9:28 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Saturday, September 16, 2006 Questions... Current mood: Emblazoned with amazement What would you do, if you found out through friends and people who you thought were connected to the truth, that you were being trailed by the FBI?  What if every official publicly told you and the entire nation that everything that you think is being perpetrated against you specifically was untrue?  Would it make any sense to you that the government for the country you live in was actively trying to get you to do nothing more than shut your mouth?  What kinds of emotions would you experience, beyond grand egoism and extreme paranoia, in that kind of situation? I need to find a book on John Lennon. AB 10:04 AM - 4 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Wednesday, September 13, 2006 Hertz... Current mood: crappy So, Mikey wanted me to talk about Hertz.  That's my new employer, for those not aware.  Renting cars and whatnot.  It's a jorb. I don't know if there's much to say though.  The title I'm adorned with is "Manager-In-Training".  So, I'm training.  Last week through this week has seen me cooped up in a classroom.  The trainer doesn't seem to like me.  So, whatever. Also, I'm not sure how well I'm getting along with any of the other MTs. Anyways, I'm supposed to be learning everything about how to sell rental things.  The position (and every position above it) is considered a sales position.  I'll sell vehicles for rental and optional fueling options and car coverages.  All very boring and I haven't really studied like I should be. But, I had spent two weeks prior to training just hanging out at other branches.  And, that wasn't too bad.  The first place I was at was killer.  Really neat people and it was so busy that I was never bored.  The second branch I was at was full of really odd people.  And, just this week, the only normal person at that branch was promoted to assistant manager at a completely different branch.  So, when I return there after this week (as it's supposed to be my permanent branch until I'm promoted or decide to quit) there'll be no one but odd people who I'll have to act differently around to fit in with.  Yay me. But, the job pays a mediocre rate which is a step up for me.  I work a lot of overtime.  The average week will be around 55 or 60 hrs.  Paid weekly.  Benefits after 90 days.  Pretty basic. I'm renting cars. Renting cars. Renting vehicles to angry people. I wash a large amount of cars now.  Still haven't washed mine in over five years. I have to attempt to sell car coverages to people who don't want them.  I receive some sort of kickback for selling these things. I'll be broke again for a long time. Spirallaripsspirallaripsspirallaripsspirallarips. AB P.S. "Blargal" doesn't mean anything.  I'm just assuming it's a sound that could roughly be made by a mad and rampaging Incredible Hulk. 8:22 PM - 10 Comments - 9 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Monday, September 11, 2006 No, I will NOT comment on it! Current mood: Uni-Pie-Loving Hell, that's not why you're here anyway! I've been thinking about the stripping down of communication through the Internet lately.  With no body language or visual cues and no vocal texture to fully bring across a message, the Internet leaves only the language.  I think everyone knows about this.  It's certainly apparent on this here "mYsPace" thing.  It happens even more frequently on message boards. But, I think this stripping down also leads to a potential of extreme purity of idea or story or plot or all of them together.  This potential can only be realized through a concentrated effort by the creator to use all of the printing tools at his/her/its disposal. Clever and interesting usage of bolding and italicizing and underlining and super/subscripting and changing of font and size and any others that may exist is of what I speak/write.  But, you can't just throw them all in together.  Well, I suppose you could if you were wanting to paint a picture that was best arrived at through those means.  I'd assume that wouldn't be a common case though. The main problem with this proposal is that, on the Internet there's no real fully established rules for each formatting choice.  At least as far as what each should mean to the reader.  Maybe that could be overcome by some incredible ingenuity by the creator.  Like, through his/her/its utter will and, thus, writing, a differing approach to formatting could be born out.  Some form of personalized style for their writing and cadence. Now, I know that communication without vocal or body cues has been around since words were written down the first time.  But, the Internet allows an ease of access that most don't have with finding a printer to print their experiments.  Also, the experiments are much cheaper as you can throw a new idea out to an audience on a whim and get immediate feedback without a great loss of time or hard-to-find-and-acquire real estate.  It's virtual so you don't have to go down to buy a new pad of paper, fill it up with writing and then try to post it on some corkboard in the student union amongst the party announcements.  You can just open a new, empty blog template and spin something out. I don't really know.  This may be more importantly experimented on for good results as opposed to just being talked about. AB 9:01 PM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Sunday, September 10, 2006 As an aside... Current mood: Greedy but Floundering For those of you who don't read your bulletin posts: I'm running paid ads to up the readership of my blog.  Yes, they're very cheap ads as I'm the one who's writing and publishing them.  But, I am still paying someone medium amounts of the moolahs for some reason. Maybe I should look into that. AB PS.  Yeah, I know the only people I'm making aware of the ad campaign with this post are folks already reading the blog.  Frickin' sod off! 10:55 PM - 3 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Why do people always yell... Current mood: Smug; to the highest order possible At me for wanting to always be correct?  Yes, I really enjoy being correct about something.  Especially something I'm talking about.  But, are they insinuating that they don't want to be correct?  Not wanting to know about something seems just weird. And, sure, I may enjoy being correct a little more than the next homo sapien.  But, it's almost like my personal pasttime at this point.  Do I yell at you for liking baseball?  Or even for pasttiming with cock fighting?  No, I think not.  And, really, I know not!  So, look, I'm correct about that too. Sweet. In closing; fuck off and leave me alone.  I'll be correct by myself you hooligans. AB 10:49 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Saturday, September 09, 2006 Things you should be reading... Current mood: You wouldn't understand Yes, things you should be reading but probably aren't because you're not the correct amount of cool.  Here we go! Penny Arcade (http://www.penny-arcade.com/):  One of the best and longest running online comic strips out there.  It's based on gaming and gamers and has a large amount of 'inside jokes' about those subjects.  But, the humor is so good that it may not matter that you've never played World of Warcraft.  It certainly doesn't matter to me.  Comes out three times a week (M-W-F).  Read it! Overcompensating (http://www.wigu.com/overcompensating/):  Just absolutely brilliant.  Insanely comedic and outlandish.  The creator (Jeffrey Rowland) says the strips are based off his life but, c'mon, there's just no way.  Especially pay close attention to the way Weedmaster P speaks.  It's just so smartly written.  Comes out roughly five times a week (M-F).  Absolutely read it! VGCats (http://www.vgcats.com/):  Even more about gaming than Penny Arcade.  It's based on two cats who play video games.  But, it's turned into a fantastical situation where the two cats actually take place inside the games.  The humor is outstanding, for the most part.  A knowledge of modern games is required in most instances.  Kinda' pigeon holes it.  Still, excellent.  Updates most Mondays.  Unless Mr. Ramsoomair has had an unusually busy week.  Then, it may be late.  Muthafuckin' read it! Dinosaur Comics (http://www.qwantz.com/):  Ok, this comic's amazing!  Awesome, even!!  The set-up is that the strip panels are the same for every damn comic.  Every panel is the same drawing every time.  The dialogue is the only difference.  And the creator (Ryan North) is such a goddamned genius that he makes it work.  Pretty much every time.  This strip is kind of a new obsession for me but, I've read the entire archive, and I was never let down by it.  I think this one updates at least three times a week, if not more.  Read it so much it hurts! Questionable Content (http://www.questionablecontent.net/):  Probably my favorite online comic at the moment.  It's actually a relationship/comedy strip that is so unbelievably awesome that the Awesomometer (tm) can't register it!  It's about a slightly emo guy (Marten) and his relationships with a few women.  Oh, and there's talking robots.  Pintsize (Marten's talking/walking computer) is one of the greatest character creations to ever grace the intarwubs.  Updates religiously every night at around 10 pm Central Time, Sunday through Thursday (it's supposed to be M-F but, the posting the night before screws that all to hell.)  If you don't read this then you're a damn, dirty communist! PvP (Player vs. Player) (http://www.pvponline.com/):  It's been around pretty much since online comics started to roll out.  Sometimes it's not great and sometimes it may not even be good.  But, when Mr. Scott Kurtz hits his stride in a storyline, it's just spectacular.  This comic's based around the staff of a gaming magazine though, nowadays, gaming is never really touched on.  So, it's mostly about the relationships between all of the characters.  Also, there's a talking troll that you can only see if you're not a complete bastard.  Updates every damn day unless Kurtz dies.  He usually posts the comic after the resurrection though.  Sure, read it.  You'll like it. Little Gamers (http://www.little-gamers.com/):  Ok, this one's just a little fuckin' nuts.  But, shit, it's written and drawn by two Swedes so, cut 'em some slack.  Hard to describe, even though it's not really off the wall or anything.  Cute art and solid writing combine to make a comic I've read for probably 2 or 3 years now.  Updates sometime during the week.  Maybe 3-5 times in a week.  I don't really know for sure.  Reeeeead it.  Poke. Ctrl-Alt-Del (http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/):  Again, another gaming comic but it's also (again, again) about the relationship between the main character, his girlfriend and his roommate.  I still dig it after all the years it's been up.  Updates around 4 times a week?  I'm not sure.  Read it and be done with it. Honorable mentions: Applegeeks (http://www.applegeeks.com/) Angry Zen Master (http://www.angryzenmaster.com/) Scary Go Round (http://scarygoround.com/): Actually, this may be one of the best comics out at the moment.  I just don't read it enough to speak about it. Diesel Sweeties (http://www.dieselsweeties.com/):  Just reread what I said about Scary Go Round.  Same applies here. I think that's the entire list of shit that causes me to pay outrageous moneys for the intarwub access.  Read them, and be a better/cooler person. AB Currently listening : The Battle By Russell Allen Release date: By 02 August, 2005 8:40 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Arachnid Bethlehem Last Updated: Oct 15, 2006 Post New Blog Customize Email to a Friend Gender: Male Status: Single Age: 26 City: Helsinki Country: FI Signup Date: 05/28/05 Blog Archive [ Older     Newer ]

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They've Begun to Bleed Directly From the Gray Luckily, I've got this nice blog-rag to soak them up.   home | mail | rss | sign out Saturday, September 09, 2006 I hope this works like I want it to... Current mood: Oxen On Speed-Like Yeah, so, I think I've found a replacement for my morning Diet Coke.  Instead of braving a caffeine obstacle course full of racing heart muscles and almost immediate crashing, I've begun to use heroine...wait, no, not heroine. Ok, right, I mean, it's this band, Dragonforce!  They play their instruments super-fast with no forethought as to who will enjoy their noise.  I, of course, love the multitude of sound and, when I spin this shit in the morning, my mind kicks out of its funk of slowitude and remembers just how fast it moves.  Which is neato.  My mind moves sorta fast.  Faster than most minds, I'd guess.  Fast mind is neither good nor bad.  It's just what it is. AB Currently listening : Sonic Firestorm By Dragonforce Release date: By 11 May, 2004 5:38 PM - 6 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Friday, September 08, 2006 I'd ask for help... Current mood: Herculean It seems (and don't ask me how I know,) that microbe-sized, cerebral miners have entrenched themselves in my brain.  I'd ask for some form of help (unknowable to me as per what kind of help that would be,) but they are an apparently jovial bunch.  There's much laughing.  I think they're also brewing some elixir that creates a panicked euphoria in the minee's 'mind'.  This elixir may or may not give them an overwhelming push to undertake their work.  A work that they will not describe to me. I hope it has to do with brushing and cleaning.  My brain. AB 8:23 PM - 7 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Thursday, September 07, 2006 Irony... Current mood: Helical This sword tastes irony. Thank you. AB 10:22 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Wednesday, September 06, 2006 Huh... Current mood: Indifferential and kinda' equationy Well, a double post!  I rewrote the entry after the original didn't seem to want to post itself.  So, I hit the back button and my glorious text was no longer in existence.  Or, so I thought.  Obviously, I was incorrect! But, I won't take either down.  Each is different from the other and, hell, I love my writing.  I can't destroy it! So, I donno', you guys can vote on which you like better, if you want.  I don't care. AB 10:33 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Summertime... Current mood: Pejorative; yep, I mood pejoratively So, summertime's almost over.  The neurons in my brain that strive to regulate my body temperature through a generous output of sweat are getting ready to take their vacation as soon as the thermometer decides to drop down and mull around the 60 degree mark.  They will then partake of a large amount of Crown Royale and patronize only strip clubs and singles bars until the next sighting of heat.  Digressing, off! In honor of summer ending, I'd like to review it.  "It" being summer, of course.  To quote the musical group, Sublime, "Summertiiime/ The livin's easy".  But, is summertime livins easy?  I say no.  No, summertime livins is far from easy and really just moist.  A moistness that puts a damper on my livins!  Summer thusly gets an F!  F for 'fuckin' failure'. To sum it up in summary; summer blows!  Bring on the snows! AB 10:02 PM - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Summertime... Current mood: Pejorative; yep, I mood pejoratively So, summer's about over.  All the neurons in my brain which work to regulate my body temperature through a generous use of sweat glands are set to rejoice as soon as the thermometer decides to stay and mull around the 60 degree mark. But, in honor of summer ending (for it is a glorious time,) I've decided to review it.  Summer, that is. If I can quote the musical group, Sublime, for a bit; "Summertiiiime/ the livin's easy".  But, is summertime livins really all that easy?  No, it is not. Summertime is sweaty.  Not that good sweaty, either. In summary: summer blows.  Bring on the snows! AB 10:02 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Tuesday, September 05, 2006 Indeed... Current mood: Ready to rock unsteadily If tonight is to be all about the lovemaking, then AB is tentatively ready.  Just give him a minute... AB 6:17 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Monday, September 04, 2006 Summing it up... Current mood: Straight 'N Narrow Does anyone else feel like they don't know what's going on with everything? AB 2:47 PM - 2 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Saturday, September 02, 2006 I'M NOT DEAD! Seriously, I'm not dead. AB 8:35 PM - 7 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Sunday, August 20, 2006 I suppose this calls for a 'finally'... Current mood: Nervous, I'll explain more later Yeah, so, I'm finally employed.  After 4 or 5 months of slothfulness and random panics, I've landed a manager-in-training position with Hertz.  Uh-huh, rent-a-car and whatnot. I'm not jazzed about this job in any way.  I'm only mildly nervous which I can't say is good or bad.  Good things happening usually make me pretty nervous.  That doesn't bother me beyond a lack of sleep.  The nervousness usually makes me better in whatever capacity I'm attempting.  But, I don't know what I'm attempting in this job. It seems I'm highly confused then, doesn't it!  But, it's money.  Something I haven't seen in too long.  So, wish me luck.  I'll probably need it. AB 3:24 PM - 7 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Saturday, August 19, 2006 Last weekend... Current mood: Fully fueled yet still running on fumes So, last weekend I travelled home to see the folks.  Most of the way back is four lane highway and so the trek isn't unbearable.  But, it is a small jaunt and so, at around the halfway point, right north of Clinton, I stopped in at a gas station. I didn't see anything unusual as I pulled in, opened my door and popped the gas hood.  But, as I turned toward the back of my car, I noticed a gentleman at the far and opposite pump.  He was a cowpoke of what seemed nearly 60.  He seemed highly content with life at the moment, with a grin of mild but effusive unwariness.  Almost like he owned a refinery and every gallon he pumped was another tinkle in his decorative Peanuts bank. The unwariness I was gleaning from him was confirmed by what was happening to his hand.  Well, and to everything in the general vicinity of his hand; gasoline, lifeblood of the combustible engine, was drenching every inch of the area.  The fuel was able to do this as the gentleman's hand was still holding onto the nozzle, all the while, oil reduction was spewing from the obviously over-full tank.  I don't want to overstate here, but the gasoline seemed to be escaping from his vehicle as if there was a fire hose on the other side, expunging it back out into the world. Now, me being a civic-minded fellow, I attempted to catch his eye and say, "Um, sir, there's gas shooting out of your car!"  Not only did I attempt to say this, I did actually say it.  Though, I might've failed in the eye-catching.  I didn't blame any lack of trying on my part as he really did seem about as oblivious as he could be. Well, I am civic-minded, but I also possess a streak of not caring if a situation doesn't affect me and, as no one was smoking, I let him go.  As I was pumping my gas (frowning the entire time, as I don't possess my own refinery,) I heard a manic scraping behind me.  I turned to see the same gentleman hurriedly scraping his shoes all over the ground, the inside of his car, anywhere he could find a durable place to rub. By this time I figured the strange occurrence to be over.  So, I followed the gentleman inside where I drove toward the refridgerators, in the hope of finding a mutant-spawned, gigantic Diet Coke waiting for me.  I was disappointed in finding what I could only assume was a miniature Diet Coke holding a minute amount of 24 fluid ounces. Disappointment washing over me, I strode to the counter and overheard one of the two ladies behind the counter telling the gentleman I had watched outside that she, "would take care of it."  Obviously he was whispering while recounting the 'accident' to the woman as I hadn't heard him say a thing whilst on my sojourn for the holy canteen of caffeine. So, he left and I quietly paid for my fuel and Coke, all the while wanting to ask, "What the fuck was that about?"  Instead, I let the woman who seemed more experienced in the area inform the other lady that you, "pour catfood over it."  I'm assuming she meant the gasoline spill and wasn't planning a hyper-creative way of snuffing the man's life for making her clean up his mess. AB Currently listening : Perpetual Motion By Dave Weckl Release date: By 10 September, 2002 9:42 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Friday, August 18, 2006 This is why it takes longer on laundry day... Current mood: Apprehensive when I'm feeling full Our downstairs bathroom houses the laundering facilities.  Our dryer creates a buzz just short of a 747 take-off to let you know that the clothes are ever so close to being dry that if you took them out now, they'd be the commonly-held idea of dry. You must always check to see where the setting is at on the dry cycle before you use that bathroom.  No one wants the poop scared out of them in that manner.  Even if you're in that room to get the poop out of you. AB 1:32 PM - 5 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Tuesday, August 01, 2006 Who doesn't love surveys!?! Current mood: Pickled. Period. I know I don't!  Er, I mean, do, DO!  I do love surveys.  Here's one I found in the bulletins earlier in the life.  Well, my life.   Dammit, just read...   -Longest turkey leg: Guinness record?  Dunno.  Longest Ive seen?  Probably 18 centimeters. -Shortest turkey leg: Dont talk about the turkeys legs that way.  I hear its like a guy and penis  size! -How many people have you broken? Unofficial count of 21.  I always like to say 40.  I think it lies somewhere in between. -How many times have you truly shoved someone? Not much of a shover.  So, zero. -How many rottweilers have told you that they love you? Motherfuckin rottweilers can talk? -Have you ever thought that you were going to karate chop the person you were with? Numerous times.  More than I can count.  Now, ask me how many Ive actually chopped! -Have you ever karate chopped someone so much that it hurt? Them, yes.  Me, no.  I have perfect form. -Have you ever made a grandmother cry? Not from a karate chop.  I know thats what you were thinking.  I did make a grandmother, (and a wily asian,) cry from a flying knee.  -Have you ever cried over spilled milk?  I wont answer that.  Too trite. -Are you happy being a superstar? Yes, thanks for asking. -Have you ever cheated on the SATs? Never took the SATs. -Have the SATs ever cheated on you? Youd think no.  I think yes.  Ill trust myself, not you.  Youve proven too untrustworthy in the past.  I should karate chop you. -What is the important PART of being in an Eskimos home? Dont stand too tall.  Not only does it insult the Inuit people, but you might knock out a ceiling block. -What is the worst part of being in an Eskimos home?  Having to please the man of the houses wife multiple times each night Im there.  Wild women.  Insatiable too.  Poor penis. -Worst branch of science?  Oh, how could you ask someone like me this? -Have you ever had your heart broken?  By a 12-fanged, herbivorous noodle creature.  But, thats what theyre supposed to do.  I wasnt upset.  The monster put it back together anyways.  No harm, no foul. -Have you ever broken someones heart?  Does 43 ninjas count?  Are ninjas someones? -Do you talk to any of your shoes?  Nojust no. -If you could go back in time and change things to where you could still be with one of your thoughts, would you? That one thought that I had when I turned 17.  I dont remember the specifics, or even the generalization, but I remember it being a really good thought. -Do you think any of your thoughts feel the same way?  No, thats why they always leave so quickly. -What is your ideal national animal? Um, bald  eagle?  I dont know any others. -Do you believe that you are a good national animal?  I suppose I could be.  No ones ever asked.  Why, are you asking? -Have you karate chopped people who were not good to you?  Every single one. -Have you been in an abusive 12-step program?  Surprisingly enough, yes. -Name your most memorable bowel  movement if you have had one: Yeah, jeez, Ive done the numero dos.  What the fuck?  But, I dont remember any.  Whats wrong with you? -Have you karate chopped someone older then you?  Youre so up on the violence tip on this thing!  And, yes. -Younger? Usually older but, spare the karate chop, spoil the child.  Thats what someone I never met or have actually ever talked to once said.  I mean, I heard they said it.  My neighbor said they said it.  I dont really know. -What is one thing that all of your karate chops had in common? Precision, power and pain production. -Have you ever cried yourself to sleep over a karate chop?  Only because I know Ill forget just how beautiful it truly was with the passage of time.  If I could just freeze that feeling forever, Id never cry again. -Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?  No if Ive had to karate chop them.  Its not only the last resort but the only resort.  So, I guess its a hard no to the second chances from me. -Believe in love at first sight?  With chops done in a karate style, yes.  And, once with a human female.  Many decades ago.  I karate chopped her and her entire immediate and extended family.  I had my reason.  Yes, one reason. -Ever karate chopped two people at once?  No, that takes a level of concentration that Im uncomfortable with.  I can do it.  Id just rather not. -Ever been given a karate chop?  People have tried.  As have demons from both our and other dimensions.  None have succeeded. -Ever been given a karate kick?  Silly question!  No one does that shit!  Its only done in Hollywood fiction films.  Theyre impossible to pull off for one thing.  And, the only people who try to do them are usually, possibly, not human.  As in, zombies.  And, they dont succeed either.  Zombies suck. -Do you want to get married?  Im married to my karate chops.  Im very focused. -Do you have something to say to any of your enemies? When next we meet, or should I say, when we first meet!  For, after an enemy meets me, they never meet anyone again!!  But, anywayId like to say, you cannot stop my karate chops.  I will even tell you when Ill launch one as you stand before me and you still will not be able to stop them. -Ever stolen someones Corvette? Maybe. -Do you believe in true love? I love karate chops.  What did you think Id say? -Does heartbreak really feel as bad as it sounds?  No.  Face-break is worse.  As is ankle-break.  Really, any bone-break is as bad as it sounds.  And, if you didnt know, it kinda sounds like *crack*. 12:51 AM - 9 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Saturday, July 29, 2006 You speak of lyrical genius? Current mood: Reminiscing, slowly but surely So, a friend mentioned her own poetry at some point in the past 5 years and it reminded me that, hey, I wrote a poem a long ass time ago! Now, I don't know how many of you readers know that I pretty much despise poetry.  Maybe some of you do but, if not, now know, beyond a shadow of doubt, that I do!  I recognize that some that relish and write in the arena of rhyme are quite talented and deserve some form of praise.  But, I've never found myself at all interested in the stuff. Anyway, there was a point in my far-flung past in which I was verbally assaulted by a stage poet.  He had some stupid name like "Man in the Green Hat" or some other such bullshit way he referred to himself.  I was only trying to speak to a friend I hadn't seen in many years at the time and, though I didn't take a great deal of offense to him at the time, I later stewed for many an hour. So, now I guess you all also know beyond a shadow of doubt that I'm a bitter and spiteful person.  Welcome to the truth of Arachnid Bethlehem. This affront inspired me to write the only poem I have ever written, (besides the stupefying offerings I was forced to deliver in middle school,) and, as far as I can plan at this stage, the only one I will ever write.  Yeah, this was my attempt at being ironic at something of an early age.  But, I've certainly written worse things.  Some of them appearing on here. Obviously, I have no shame. Here it is, anyway.  Enjoy if you want.  Hopefully someone will decide to get mad about it.  This blog could do with some real emotion, (and, no, the fake anger that many of you will think to post in answer to my last sentence will probably not get the chuckle you feel at the moment it will.) Dumbass Coffee-Shop Poet or Your Rhymes are Quite Weak Hello Mr. Poet I listened to you all night You seemed like an angry young man Who was so full of spite You were angry at the world Yet so comfy in your own You were so very happy With the intellectual seeds you had sown You had lambasted Jesus Then you praised Mr. Nietzsche Next poem you switched your praise Now wasn't that peachy? You spat out your venom At society's ills But then you bared all Of your own deviant thrills You said you wanted the truth Then spoke of outer space Dropped back down to earth To talk of demons, so base Your pride shown like a lighthouse Shining out from the shore No, wait!  It was stronger Like a machine gun on full bore I laughed at your lyrics I cringed at your verbiage I blocked much of you out With my own mental image I got sick of your droning About injustice and illness I assume you were just trying To clean up your own mess I gained no respect For any of your positions Mostly all that I heard Were deluded personal visions But you had your audience Even some in your thrall Some even stood behind you With a hoot or a call All seemed like rejects Brought together by the coffee Nightly you raged about capitalism Yet the coffee stayed non-free So I ask you dear sir Have you made any changes? To the meek, to the worldly To the malleable masses? I bid you adieu Hope never again to hear you speak For you're an idiot to my senses And your rhymes are quite weak ----------------------------------------------------------------- There ya' go. AB Currently listening : I By Meshuggah Release date: By 14 September, 2004 9:18 PM - 9 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Thursday, July 27, 2006 Yeah, I'm watching... Current mood: Anti-Moody "So You Think You Can Dance," all alone at home tonight.  So, the mind's working whilst I watch instead of attempting to spew out one-liners to my roommate as we watch people fly around the screen for no reason other than the promise of a career of lucrativity in the future. One judge has the last name of "Karaty."  Which, I think at one time in his family's history was pronounced the same as the Japanese martial art of uncommonly similar spelling.  Now, I plan on changing my last name to "Jiu-Jitsu." I think everyone in the crowd is wearing a "Live Strong" bracelet from the Lance Armstrong Foundation.  Also, the crowd seems to be made entirely up of girls under the age of 16 and a few unemployed choreographers.  Good that America is giving all of these out of work dance majors a shot at living without the unemployment checks. It's also good for me that every one of these female dancers is spanktacstically hot.  Or, at least, it alleviates the boredom of the normal night. I could switch over to "Who Wants to Be a Superhero?"  But, I really don't want to put up with Stan Lee's smug face.  I always get Kirby-angry when I see that guy.  Which is a strange anger, if you've never experienced it.  The lines you see become heavier-lined and cartoon-wacky.  And, any time someone walks towards you, they seem like they're leaping at you with outstretched arms and legs. Can't turn the tv off because then I'd be declared un-American. Shit, the hot girl was just told that she's in the bottom two.  They can't vote off the hot girl.  Right?  Dammit. I think this blog is done.  I'll suffer out the rest of this show alone.  I hope the rest of you aren't sharing my same fate.  Maybe some of you are.  I'd pity you but, y'know... AB P.S.  This wasn't a very good blog.  Can you tell?  I knew you could.  Relatively smart readers, aren't you! 8:03 PM - 8 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Arachnid Bethlehem Last Updated: Oct 15, 2006 Post New Blog Customize Email to a Friend Gender: Male Status: Single Age: 26 City: Helsinki Country: FI Signup Date: 05/28/05 Blog Archive [ Older     Newer ]

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They've Begun to Bleed Directly From the Gray Luckily, I've got this nice blog-rag to soak them up.   home | mail | rss | sign out Saturday, July 08, 2006 Nothing to manage... Current mood: Conundrumed I really wanna' manage my Myspace Calendar but all I can come up with is "Be Unemployed."  While true, somewhat repetitive after awhile. AB 1:11 AM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Wednesday, July 05, 2006 Happy 4th of July you Bastards! (Was a bulletin) Well, happy anti-English-Taxation Day! Thank god we had the French to help us get out of that cluster-fuck called the American Revolution. See, we owe them you stupid fucks! Anyways, all my hearty thanks to the men, women and trannies in the armed services for killing all of the people around the world who look ever so slightly different than me. Yes you're just following orders but, dag-nabbitt, you're doing it with panache! So, again, happy "Neighbors won't fucking stop launching bombs at my house" Day!! AB 10:51 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Tuesday, July 04, 2006 I swear to all the gods you "Other" Americans hold dear... Current mood: Strangle-riffic I HATE THIS FUCKING HOLIDAY! I don't think holidays should make me want to murder babies but this one does.  The loneliness of Christmas and Valentine's Day are easily manageable after numerous years of practice.  St. Patty's day I don't even participate in except for calling a friend and the drunken fuck-wits usually leave me alone.  But this fucking Explodo-Day that our "Independence" has turned into is just the most bastardly ridiculous thing to ever happen!  Next year, as soon as the tents start popping up, I'll start setting tent fires.  As many spring up, the same amount I'll set.  I will burn this date to its undeniably-needed death. I'll fuckin' bet that real nations with kick-ass people don't set explosions to celebrate their day such as this.  After I've destroyed all of the fireworks tents, I'm moving to Sweden.  And, with the loss of my IQ, the general Intelligence Quotient of this rat-hole will drop below "Mentally Handicapped" level and then the other nations will feel even more justified in just putting this land mass out of its misery. See!  Your holiday has made me into an expatriot terrorist!!  Are you fuckers happy now?? AB 9:54 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Oh man, my page views are now 777... Current mood: Hyped-Up, Roof-Raising Moron; Same as Everybody El Mr. Steve Vai would be so geeked!  SOMEBODY GET ME A JEM, DAMMIT!!  I YEARN TO "SCREAM LICKS" FROM MY "AXE"!! AB Currently listening : The 7th Song: Enchanting Guitar Melodies - Archive By Steve Vai Release date: By 07 November, 2000 2:00 AM - 9 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Monday, July 03, 2006 Who hates Nazis? Current mood: Stronger and Longer Lastingly Minty Man, I know I do.  And here are my top reasons for this Nazi-hating! 1.  Swastikas are too angular.  I think this illustrates the hardness and toughness that the "Aryans" were going for.  So, right off the bat, with knowing nothing else about a Nazi, you get the idea that they're punks because there's no softer curves in their insignia.  It almost telegraphs the kind of person you'd be dealing with.  Who would you more likely trust on sight: someone with a hard-edged swastika tattoo or someone with a rainbow tattoo?  That's right, you'd trust the gay guy easier. 2.  They hate, like, everybody.  How do you even fathom hating everybody?  I can't even wrap my head around that!  There's a lot of fucking people in the world.  A lot more now than then but, still.  What're we off by, a few billions?  Hell, any number of people beyond maybe 50 people to hate and I think we're pushing it.  Especially when we're dealing with the personal, venomous hate that they mustered for their fellow men.  I mean, that kind of hate would have to be personal in order for someone to be able to be ok with beating someone else to death with their fists.  Strangely, their hate for everyone but themselves has caused me to hate them and mostly no one else.  Kinda' interesting. 3.  They also hated Jewish pets.  I'm not one-hundred percent sure on this one.  My information may be somewhat lax in this department.  But, c'mon!  Who hates Jewish pets?  Especially when you can't truly tell if a dog is a Jew or a Hindu! 4.  They killed the grandmother of the woman I was supposed to marry!  I'm overwhelmingly sure on this point.  I mean, seriously, where the hell is she?  I'm not married to her now and time's a-running out.  I can only assume that her genes were stomped under jack boot-heel before they could even reach their intended destination: my marital bed!  I bet she was gonna' be hot too. 5.  They keep making Steven Spielberg more money.  How much more does he need?  After E.T., you think the guy would've been set for some amount of time near the span of life.  Why can't the Nazis make me any money?  Though, would I be able to take that money?  Damned dirty Nazi money!!  Take yourself away from me.  But, maybe it's ok for Spielberg to keep making money off of the Nazis.  He is Jewish, right? 6.  No six, skip to seven. 7.  Shit, there's no seven either.  Try eight? 8.  Neo-Nazis.  Same great taste, less calories?  Man, these guys can't seem to stack up to their predecessors.  It's almost comedic...wait, it is comedic!  Damn, that's no reason to hate Nazis!!  They've given us funny neo-nazis.  Man alright, inept, bumbling, powerless and bald white guys are frickin' hilarious!!  Who knew? I think the lists's done.  I hope my point's been made and you all see the error of your ways in loving Nazis.  You're evil people for loving those Nazis but, I'll forgive you if you decide to change your ways. And, if you do decide to step into the light and hate Nazis like I do remember one thing: if you see a Nazi, kick him in the balls, point and laugh and then shoot him in the head.  Like you would a pestering cricket. Goodnight everybody. AB 12:23 AM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Tuesday, June 27, 2006 Randonimity may be what you are shooting for... Current mood: Curious but tired enough to let it slide If it is, then this is it.  'It' as, 'the place.'  Good for you.  Half the journey is finding the place.  Actually, that may be very near the entire journey.  I don't journey much. So, what's everyone been up to?  Ah yes, good, me either.  Oh, you don't say.  Well, why didn't you write and tell me about this earlier?  Ach, 'shame' is a silly answer between the two of us.  Hehe, sure-sure.  Yes, I thought we were better friends too.  I blame you.  Oh, and Hannibal.  Ever since he took up spacefaring I haven't spoken to him.  Again, I blame him.  They have phones built into those ships nowadays.  Heck, he can even call me collect.  I wouldn't mind.  Though, I suppose I'd mind now that I don't consider him much of a friend.  No, don't tell him that.  No need to upset someone with trifles such as that.  Anyways, I'll say goodbye for now.  Thanks for the talk. I bet you dummies think I'm losing my mind over here.  You may be right.  While I am left and, thusly, don't care what your right-thinking is conceiving.  Keep it to yourself! Either way, down to brass tack-tical matters.  Who here likes their profession/hourly gig?  Wait, I don't want to talk about that.  Type about it either. Dammit, I can't seem to write a fucking blog for the life of me! Ok, who here likes and would support a switch-over to atomic power?  I'm speaking of safe and highly monitored atomic power.  Of course, we'd need to find a much more satisfactory way of dispensing with the byproduct than putting it in a Campbell's Soup can and dropping it to the ocean floor.  You see, this sloppiness is why we now have giant octopi!  We never had them prior to radioactive waste dumping!  And now, only a few years later, we're flush with the damned things.  So, couple those radium-enhanced, multi-armed, googly-eyed invertebrates with the petroleum-enhanced shore animals of Exxon lore and you've got the beginnings of what could be one of the greater armies of our time.  Maybe of all time.  Like, even pre-cambrian time.  Its greatness may stretch back ever so far as to be greater in number than the original protist colonies of Humboldt and its neighbor, Quallingford.  Granted, not many cells per individual but, still, forces to be reckoned with in their time. So, giant octopus generals, blue whale field commanders and angry, divebombing gulls covered in flammable petrol.  I could see them as filling the role of suicide bombers.  Also, their normally white poo would probably have absorbed enough "texas gold" as to be combustible as well.  So, flammable suicide bombers armed with molotov cocktails not made of cocktail but bird shit.  Wait, what's the main ingredient in molotov cocktails?  Is it the molotov or the cocktail?  Whichever it is, it's replaced by bird shit in this instance.  That's all that's important. I think the U.S. military might have a difficult time with these militia-anti-men.  Certainly the Canadian military would.  You can't stop much with a pocket knife showcasing a maple leaf.  Sure, that can stop a bear and, god in heaven, it's stopped just enough -JUST ENOUGH- as to make them worthy to carry in the hinterlands of northern Canada.  As well as southern Canada.  It's all the same hinterland up there.  Heathens don't even mow their own lawns.  It's paid for by the government. Back to the point; what would, or more to the point, could stop these creatures from the deep and the air?  Most all ballistic, surface-to-air missiles would be out of commission pretty quickly as I believe the greater of their lot are housed in submarines.  And, you can't tell me that submarines aren't where the giant octopi would strike first!  You just can't tell me that.  I think I'm actually deaf to that certain phrase, actually.  Kind of like Christians are deaf to what I like to call "sense and reason."  Of course, not everyone calls it this.  Scientists have termed it, "sense and reason."  Oh, wait.  So, it is the same thing.  Scientists and I should hang more often as we're totally on the same wavelength.  Anyway, that was an offhand and totally called-for jab.  In my opinion, anyway.  But, I digress (and make a wonderful and maybe even catchphrase-worthy point.  I'm absolutely pushing it with the catchphrase angle.) In closing, the aquatic/aerial army could never be stopped by human means and only Superman could save us.  Unluckily enough for us, Superman in the real world is of only half a mind and finds that most all problems can only be solved by throwing the Earth, on which we all live, into the sun.  Y'know, the huge, burning thing that helps all of the sluts (male and female, I don't discriminate,) stay tanned and cancer-ridden.  Sure, it powers the Krebs Cycle...wait, what?  Shit, I mean, it powers the chlorophyll of plants to create energy and O2 for us.  Is that a cycle?  Fucking Warsaw science teachers!  Wait, who said the author came from Warsaw?  Bastards, that's not true!!! This whole thing has fallen apart.  Just know, if Superman finds out about this invasion force, we're all headed to a much hotter vacation in the center of a giant ball of nuclearly-heated helium. Goodnight! AB 10:19 PM - 5 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Thursday, June 22, 2006 Sweet Shit... Current mood: Pleased With Yourself, Ratbastards! I always beat those Myspace clicky games.  I may be a goddamn savant genius at that shit! AB 12:17 AM - 14 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Friday, April 28, 2006 Job Hunting, Not Unlike "Non-Silly Scientologist Hunting" Current mood: Deciding If I'm Actually This Pissed Off So, yes, I'm still unemployed.  It's really quite the disturbing situation, even if I'm not treating it so.  Funds are slowly/maddeningly running out without even a trickle coming in from the other end. And, dammit all if absolutely no one's hiring!  Yeah, that's fucking right!  NO!  SINGLE!  BUSINESS!  IS!  HIRING!  Well, sure, retail and fast food and fucking sales positions are bleeding out the rectum of America's flourishing job market.  Hell, just last week, roommate numero uno went on a horseshit interview to join a goddamn pyramid scheme!  But, they called it "marketing" so, y'know, what the fuck, it's legal. But, seriously, what fucking credentials does a job hunter need to land a decent gig?  At the moment, I'm willing to sell my fucking soul to just about any corporate bastard with a real job for me to inhabit.  I mean, shit, I've got an undergrad degree and I can work the occasional magic with a computer.  My ability with people is light years beyond what most other wokers can muster.  Especially for someone who doesn't actually like any mammal with an evolutionary background containing great apes!  I'm more capable, intelligent and able to bullshit than 95% of the human population and can kiss ass with the best of them.  I write witty fucking bee-logs! So, what the fuck?  Where are all the great job offers guaranteeing me $80K/year and my pick of large-breasted virgins?  Man, screw this shit.  I'm fucking done. AB PS.  Really not too sorry it's been so long since I wrote one of these things.  I mean, I've got subscribers to this thing but, I know beyond a shadow of a fucking doubt that only about 3 people read this goddamn mess.  And, seriously, I'm surprised at you 3 people.  Shouldn't you have better things to do?  Like, shit, I don't know, mauling the elderly or deciding to take just one more shot of Jack?  I can't believe my readers are drunks!  Why am I attacking you people now? 1:12 AM - 8 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Sunday, April 09, 2006 Bliggity-blog-bloggy-blog... Current mood: Ummm, Unemployed? I'm unemployed!  Finally! AB 11:21 PM - 7 Comments - 5 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Monday, March 13, 2006 Random thoughts... Current mood: Confused But Reaching a Consensus 1.  You will find no better dancing than you will experience in the movie "You Got Served." 2.  "I can't do anything else but music.  So the one thing that comes easily in my life is music.  And some people are like, 'You're a workaholic; you never stop!'  Well that's because I've been blessed to be doing this and I really don't like going to clubs and standing there with a lukewarm beer in my hand and giving the bro hug to the same dudes that I gave the same bro hug three days ago.  It's just a waste of time for me.  I'd much rather sit down with my ProTools and my guitar and say, 'Well what am I gonna' do today?  I want to write a pop record, let's write a concept record, let's write a hellish Strapping album...'  I mean for me, this is what makes me happy as a human and as an artist, and DTB [Devin Townsend Band] is just another example of that." - Devin Townsend      "Hell yeah, Devin!" - Me, in response to that 3.  All of you people are fucking retarded. 4.  Comic books and graphic novels are greater than most anyone knows.  There may be a future bee-log about that. 5.  I like the life I'm leading, as far as most of its aspects go.  Also, I'm getting kinda' tired of people "helping" me change myself.  You fuckers know who you are. 6.  There is no god.  And the most messed up thing about that is that you fuckers who say there is know that there's not!  I used to think you said that shit just to piss me off but now I KNOW you're doing it to piss me off.  So, stop.  Seriously, you're not making any headway with me or any of the other mildly smart or reality-connected people here. 7.  Quit trying to ban abortions you queer fucks. 8.  Also, drop this "Intelligent Design" horseshit.  It's not scientific in any form.  Well, wait, it is a hypothesis.  So, that's kinda' scientific.  But, I've also got a hypothesis that my shit talks to me but only when it's feeling lonely.  So, there.  Also, I've got a hypothesis that you're a fucking moronic automaton that can't logically discern between ego-protecting, babbling, Fox-News horseshit written in monkey spooge and your own handwritten diary. 9.  Science is your god but it doesn't want you to give money to its church. 10.  I don't think this bee-log was worth reading for you people.  I probably should've told you earlier.  I'm not sorry though. AB P.S. Samurais and Ninjas are not as cool as you people think.  They're made of meatloaf.  That's not cool no matter what you say. 11:15 PM - 8 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Saturday, March 11, 2006 Fast Cat Current mood: Primevally Advanced The title of "Fastest Feline in the World" now belongs to a new cat.  Or, maybe more correctly, the title of "Could be the fastest cat in the world yet seems to only strive to be the laziest cat in the world" now belongs to the Portuguese, Un-Gregarious Threshing Cat. New studies on the animal reveal that it has more than 3 times the density of fast-twitch muscle fiber (the muscle fiber used in explosive, quick movements,) than even the African Puma has.  And yet, the quickest you'll ever see this animal move is strolling over to a patch of grass to get a quick nibble before it goes back to lolling about in the forest pitch.  The grass diet of this cat also raises some questions as the only teeth it possesses are sharp canines, usually used for rending flesh by other animals possessing the same crop of teeth. Both of these observations, the muscle density and sharp teeth, hint at an evolutionary history almost 180 degrees the opposite of what the feline now lives.  Examining the rest of the animal, our own research team could come up with no discernible, physical reason for the cat to act as it does. So, stuck at an impasse, we grudgingly called in a pet psychic.  After a number of hours alone with our specimen, the "Professional" psychic came back with a somewhat curious explanation: I can't come up with a fucking reason for this cat to act this way!  I originally was going to chalk it up to having paws so large on the bastard that nearly 48% its body weight was housed in them.  But, I wrote away that option when I had the "scientist" claim that they couldn't find anything physically abnormal that would lead it to act as it did.  Also, that's just a fucking stupid reason on its own.  Shit, it's a quarter past one am, you bastards!  Don't blame my oh-so-tired brain. Bee-log as writing exercise.  Boring but useful. AB 1:21 AM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Wednesday, March 08, 2006 I found this in a history book I picked up the other day Current mood: Interested, but not in you or your problems Yeah, so I picked up a book about the history of Northern Europe the other day and found a loose page of paper hidden between two of the later pages.  The paper seemed quite old, though I can't even guess how old.  Anyway, I read the damned thing and I found it to be quite interesting.  So, I thought I'd share it with you guys, my faithful readers. "Filler!" you scream?  Maybe so, but I don't care.  You can go fuck off if you all feel that way. -Page Begins- And so it was that I found myself on the battlefield that night. Strewn with the bodies of both my greatest friends and fellow warriors, as well as the carcasses of my greatest foes. Before me stood the only man I had ever come to hate. Truly hate, more than a passing anger. No less than an all-consuming, soul-blackening rage toward his person. But was I truly dealing with a person, another red-blooded human being? No, moreso a demon than a frail bag of muscle, bone and skin. The demon had been there from the beginning of my own life. Had seemed to have been there since the beginning of time itself! His chilling smile, scattered across all lands, through the magic of talk-boxes was more well known than any other visage throughout all the kingdoms. Though the smile seemed warm and loving, it held only greed, utter malevolence and an unspoken lie of acceptance for all. It attempted to hide from all a kingdom based on dishonesty and bile. This kingdom had spread around my planet in less than a lifetime like a virus unchecked by common antibodies. Its growth had seemed almost magical as if out of the hands of the common people it was being built upon. But now, I found myself face to face with the evil engine that had powered the rise of the arched and glossy kingdom of McDonald. The colors of his clothing were not of nature. This unnaturalness held also for his warpaint and his hair. Bright reds, brighter than a thousand night fires flared out from his follicles while yellows witnessed only by the witless few who had stared at the sun against their mother's wishes glared from his full-body tunic and face. Standing at a relaxed angle holding the largest axe I'd ever seen in its left hand the monster uttered to me, "What is the plan for you now, Northman? You've decimated my armies and taken all of my closest generals from my side. What more can you hope to destroy in my realm? I and the McDonald empire are more than eternal. My warriors may be struck down, but I will always be left standing, in the end! What can you possibly hope to achieve with no one at your own side against me, someone more than your equal?" Pausing for only a second I shot back, "Great General Ronald, I can only hope to see my original plan through to the end. I came here this day to see your death as well as the final wheeze of your empire breathed. Your skill as well as your strength may be great, greater than any mortal! But, as you see this sword lying in my right hand you also witness a weapon consecrated by the gods. Gods willing to give their own lives if only to have your unholy reign ended. I promised them victory and I shall see it through." "Ha," it cackled at me. "You mean the gods that have obviously abandoned you at the most crucial of battles. True, you have destroyed my most trusted generals. I saw with my own eyes from across the battlefield the highly disrespectful way that you did away with the King of Burger. Which reminds me, why did you kill General Hardee in such a way? Surely it would have been more practical to have just run her through rather than wasting your time slicing each of her seven arms off, one at a time?" "Oh-ho! You saw that, did you? I'll tell you, the bitch was quite rude to me the one time we met and ended up stealing my wife's heart with her conniving ways. It was with great relish that I took each of her limbs." I laughed. It spat back, "Aye, she was a bitch, wasn't she? More a whore, by the way. But, that's neither here nor there. What is here is the time for you to die. Are you alright with that, human?" "If it be so," I answered. "But I tell you now, it feels not like the day of my death to me!" And with those words, we both sprang forward, sword to axe, rage to anger and something did end that day... "What," you ask? Well, I, Ralph of the northern green lands, general of the greatest army ever formed of farmers and common serfs am your storyteller. So, you take a guess if you must and tell me who won that day. -Page Ends- Strange bit of history, eh?  Wonder why we've never heard of it.  Eh, hope you liked it.  If not, you obviously hate Swedes. AB 11:22 PM - 2 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Saturday, March 04, 2006 Untitled Current mood: None Milla Jovovich shat in my brain tonight. AB 12:43 AM - 1 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Thursday, February 23, 2006 Thank you guys, oh so much... Current mood: Smug Bewilderment and Faux Foxiness Oh my, but don't you people surprise me.  Today, or maybe it was yesterday, I passed the 100 page views "barrier" for my profile.  And, it seems, now that I check it, I'm very near passing the 100 views "barrier" on this here bee-log.  Barriers less like the great and unloving Hoover Dam and more like a hymen on a newly legal 18-year old; warm and loving.  If not a little bit whiny about "how much it hurts." So, I'd like to thank everyone who made this possible: To Mildred, you know who you are and why I love you.  Thanks for the heartwarming handjobs that got me through the tough nights. To Seymour, may you keep making your sweet porno movies and may your well of naive starlets never run dry. To Billie-Jean, seriously bitch, you're not my lover. To Billy Graham Sedgewick, dude, amazing weed.  Where do you grow that shit and can you figure out an intravenous way of delivering it? To Jim, thanks for boring me with your insane ideas about space flight, alien abduction and fruit breeding.  Sure, I fell asleep more than not while listening to you but, shit.  Never mind.  You really are boring and I fell asleep just writing about you after that last "but." To Mildred's Sister, Gretchen, thanks for the blowjobs when your sister couldn't go on with the hand jobs.  Seriously, your throat is like a goddamn flesh-thermos. To my Teddy Ruxpin, I'm oh so glad and yet just so sad that you decided to stop talking back to me when I'd pull your string.  Sure, it hurt that you made the decision to shun me but I also know that you did it to make me a stronger person.  Hell, I wouldn't have started this bee-log without your silence and I can only laud you with praise for it.  Oh, and I lauded your ass with a sound belt-whipping, didn't I!  YOU'LL STAY IN THAT TRASH CAN FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE RUXPIN!!  DON'T EVEN DREAM OF ESCAPE AS I'LL KEEP YOU THERE FOR AS LONG AS I FEEL NECESSARY FOR MY HEART TO HEAL!!! To Princess Diana, way to go out girl.  God, I knew you were the epitome of bitchy but, seriously, bravo.  Hire a better driver in your next reincarnation dumbass!  Oh, and thanks for the inspiration. And finally, to Jesus, what can I say?  You were never there for me.  Except for those few times you tried to get me to take that acid.  Oh, and also that one time you goaded that Bruno guy into trying to ass-rape me.  I shanked him but good though, didn't I Jesus?  And you're next on the list, buddy.  May my final bee-log be my final catharsis after murdering your demeaning hide! Oh, and to my parents, brother, friends and adoring readership, thank you for your support.  May you keep frequenting the heaven that is my writing.  Cuz' I'm fucking great at this shit. AB PS. Fuck all the rest of y'all. 11:06 PM - 8 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Wednesday, February 15, 2006 Grumble... Current mood: Better Than You, Yes You, Asswipe You're all a bunch of assholes and I wish I was a drunkard.  Oh...oh, yeah?  Well, fuck you then!  You know who I'm talking to...yeah...ok, I'll point.  You right there, you sonofabitch!!  Screw you and that fat pig you call a mother that you rode in on!!  Oh sure, now you change your tune y-....you damn well know what this is about.  Don't fuck with me you stupid shit.  Mother-fucker, I'll cut you!  Oh...ok..well just test me!! AB 12:32 AM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Arachnid Bethlehem Last Updated: Oct 15, 2006 Post New Blog Customize Email to a Friend Gender: Male Status: Single Age: 26 City: Helsinki Country: FI Signup Date: 05/28/05 Blog Archive [ Older     Newer ]

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They've Begun to Bleed Directly From the Gray Luckily, I've got this nice blog-rag to soak them up.   home | mail | rss | sign out Friday, January 27, 2006 Another day, another bee-log Current mood: Perplexed Mother-Fuckers I don't have enough ideas.  I used to think that I was in possession of an almost infinite supply of them.  That time is now too long ago for me to remember correctly if I was right or full of shit.  I think most people would say full of shit.  But, that's just a reflection on the present me. Maybe I should pay more attention to the ideas running through my head throughout the day.  I know that there are things that I'd like to talk about.  I remember a few times just today where I thought, "hey, I should totally follow this thought up in some form."  This place could certainly help me hash out some of those ideas.  And, shit, it'd have to be less boring than what I've typed the last few days. So, let's see.  What could be the first idea that I discuss?  I may have to come back to this in a few days.  I need time to re-evaluate how I approach this apparatus.  I thought I could just blurb and get away with it.  Hate it when easy shit gets hard.  Or, less hard than interesting and complicated. AB 11:22 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Thursday, January 26, 2006 Should you really title shit? Current mood: aggressively smug yet apathetic Well, I guess I just did.  Is that considered recursive?  Probably not. Man, where are all the comments that this bee-log of mine should be racking up?  I totally understand the lack of fame at this point.  I mean, that'll take at least 5 more entries.  But, this no comment thing is derailing the original plan of selling my blog as a book by 2007.  At this pace, I'll be releasing this thing as a pamphlet on the street for free.  Just so the pretty commuters can take a big shot of Crazy-Juice early in the morning. Maybe I need to rethink the subject matter that I cover.  I can start focusing on politics with a ferocious, pin-point accuracy unheard of on CNN and only laughingly and lying-ly claimed about on Fox News.  I can expose the government conspiracy to change the poverty-stricken population into incubators for their larval offspring.  Didn't you know that our government is made up mostly of an alien race of sperm whales?  Sperm whales who obviously spawn through a different process than we understand normal mammals to undergo.  This is the main difference among alien and non-alien sperm whales.  Also, alien sperm whales look like humans.  I almost overlooked that aspect. Maybe not.  That might be too much honesty for the American populace to handle.  At least for my first book. So, not politics.  How about relationships?  Hmmmm, I'd probably just end up bragging about my escapades.  Wild and thrilling don't even remotely come close to describing them.  Mostly because those two adjectives exist on the opposite pole of the descriptive spectrum.  But, that doesn't mean I couldn't make some crazy shit up to entertain my readers!  Legions of dirty debutantes being sodomized by myself and my army of strap-on lesbians bent on sexual world domination with me at the helm!  We'd be unstoppable and you know that you'd have a hard time of NOT reading those kinds of lies/stories.  God, my readers are a dirty and perverted lot.  Probably thieves, too. I shall think on that one a little later I think.  It probably won't pass muster.  Not much does in my obviously hard-to-bypass, high quality mental filter. I could focus this rambunctious bastard of a bee-log on fashion and footwear.  I know nothing about either category.  I highly doubt any of you would tune in weekly, let alone daily, for my musings about the highly competitive world of t-shirt and jean design.  Footwear would, of course, only focus on New Balance.  I'd be like an unwanted ad for that fucking company. So, an obvious "no" to fashion. Maybe I'm stuck with my current subject matter.  Wait, what is my current subject matter?  Is blithering a "subject matter"?  If not, then I'll just be a trail blazer!  I'll be heralded long after and ONLY after my death as the genius who spawned unwanted and unoriginal writing as a booming business model!! "Had a recent lobotomy?  Find yourself shouting shit-crazy paragraphs to your dead mother in the middle of college classes?  If so, you too can be a bumbling idiot, just like the late, great...well, we don't really remember his name.  But, shit if his literary ineptitude wasn't just the 21st century's embodiment of Shakespeare." I may have lost my mind somewhere in the last few paragraphs here.  Somebody tell me if you find it in the above.  Thanks, AB 11:18 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Wednesday, January 25, 2006 Another day... And, day 3 of Dusty's Bee-log watch.  I don't think I have anything to say tonight.  "How is that different than any other time?" you may ask.  "How did one such as yourself, with such a small frontal lobe, become so witty?" I ask in retort.  You then proceed to stick your tongue out at me.  I end the conversation with a punch to the face.  Your face, not mine. Moving on... I seem to be addicted to this MySpace thing.  I check up on it while I'm at work and also when I get back home.  This strikes me as unhealthy.  Kind of like a virus.  Not a physical one, obviously, for I am not leaking from any place and nothing is overtly red and puffy.  Maybe it's a memetic virus.  MySpace has entered my brain, taken over as many synapses as possible, threaded new connections between these synapses and given them over to obsessing about MySpace.  This new super-highway of brain power of mine now dwarfs any of the old back roads that existed prior to its existence and threatens them all with its higher speed limit and lack of stop lights.  No new traffic for the old, well-trampled roads means downsizing.  Man, maybe this new synaptic freeway is more like a synaptic Wal-Mart: squeezing out the mom & pop synaptic interlaces and replacing them until my entire mind is made up of "Low, Low Everyday Prices," and "Shop Smart, Shop S-Mart." I suppose this new cranial force can be seen as good, bad, or neither, really.  Bad because, well, Wal-Mart = Bad.  I may never have another coherent thought that doesn't involve this damned site.  Very disheartening, really. Neither good or bad because it can probably be shown in a multitude of scientific tests that I wasn't really using this noggin for much of anything prior to the new infrastructure.  Memorizing comic book trivia isn't exactly an exhausting endeavor. And finally, the good.  What if I were able to destroy the idea virus that had done all this.  Or even, what if it just went away one day?  The new super-highway would be empty of any electrical impulses and my mind could return to its prior state.  But wait!  I now have this freaking T3 line running through my head that can help to process and transmit hundreds of times more information and knowledge than the backwater, shitkicker brain I had before ever wet-dreamed of! See, already I'm thinking outside of the box.  It's not a bane.  It's a blessing!  Like having a low IQ keeping you out of military service.  Or having a club foot but finding out later that you can actually use your club foot to beat away the marauding hordes prevalent in the mutated wasteland of 22nd century America that you and your 3-breasted wife live in.  No longer will you live in shame of your club foot!  NO!  You will parade it around proudly and smite any and all who ridicule you and your gallant club foot. I think I'm getting away from myself.  damn you myspace AB 11:37 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Tuesday, January 24, 2006 Who's Ready? Current mood: Ambivalently Moderate For some bullshit?  I know I am. At this point, referring back to what I said yesterday to start this wankery thing off, I am sticking with my assumption that these myspace people are fucking crazy.  I say this because they have still not deleted that first post of mine.  Not saying that it's some kind of brilliant propoganda and "The Man" should take it down or it will shudder the foundations of MySpace Society.  Just that it's the completest form of dumbass and jerkoff that I may well be able to produce.  May we hope that I'm wrong and I go on to create even more astounding feats of dumbassery and jerkoff-edness in the bee-logs to come. For you see, after I typed what I typed yesterday, I came to find the idea of writing whatever I wanted to write and having other people read it made a stupid grin break out on my face.  It, in other words, made my ego grow.  At the moment, it's resembling a hulking, hairy mammoth.  Not an overly-large mammoth.  More Snuffaluppagus-sized than actual mammoth-sized.  Of course, now he just sits in the corner, breathing heavily, murmuring and giggling at irregular intervals.  Someone should do something for he may be plotting.  I had an idea to get rid of him but he doesn't seem to like animal crackers.  So... What I guess this means is that this area will see a lot more of my personality as affected through word in the coming weeks.  Though, using up that entire personality should only take one or two bee-logs.  So, I may talk about other things to make up the bulk of this shit. To finish up, I'm really fucking glad that no one's actually reading this. AB 11:24 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Tuesday, January 24, 2006 Seriously? Do the people who run myspace (who I imagine as benevolent caretakers whose only flaw is an unrequited love of friendship networking,) seriously think that I have anything important/relevant/interesting/funny/coherent to say?  I can only fathom that they do.  I can only admit that they are wrong and that I do not.  I would also guess that a good percentage of the rest of the people who frequent this site share in my inability to create a coherent cranial catharsis worthwhile this grandest of forums.  (Have I impressed you by now with my vomitous run-on sentences?  I'll let you know that I'm smirking very proudly and flexing.  Ooohh, flexing oh so hard.) This Bee-log entry may have run its course by now.  This may be my first time wishing for an editor. AB 12:43 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Arachnid Bethlehem Last Updated: Oct 15, 2006 Post New Blog Customize Email to a Friend Gender: Male Status: Single Age: 26 City: Helsinki Country: FI Signup Date: 05/28/05 Blog Archive [ Older     Newer ]

About  |  FAQ  |  Terms  |  Privacy  |  Safety Tips  |  Contact MySpace  |  Promote!  |  Advertise  |  MySpace Shop © ©2003-2006 MySpace.com. All Rights Reserved.